He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
