She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
