so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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