The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
