Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
