Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
