just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
