Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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