I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
