you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
