This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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