I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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