STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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