It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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