We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
