It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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