a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
