Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
