if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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