1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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