i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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