i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Enjoy the penises
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
