remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
