We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did i just pee glitter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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