Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So squirting runs in the family.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
