no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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