Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
