How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
