I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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