I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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