"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
