just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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