Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
