So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
