Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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