I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
