He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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