i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize