i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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