I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Randomize
