bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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