I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
