if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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