a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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