Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
