he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
