think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
