Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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