Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
