i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
