Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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