the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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