a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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