her vagine was all disorganized.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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