Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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