It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
