This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
