I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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