i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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