found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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