I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
