One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
