I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you will always have a special place in my vag
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
