Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
