It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dicks are not precious.
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