i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
