bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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