I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just cropdusted the office
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
