I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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