I just made out with a guy for $7.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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