Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
