Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
