He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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