my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
